Should You Go No Contact After A BPD Breakup? By Meghan James Borderline Personalities

A 2011 review published in the Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience looked at how those with BPD differed from those without when it came to sexual behavior. Imagine your partner’s friends warning them to steer clear of you. On top of this, imagine experiencing exhausting mood swings and an unavoidable fear of being abandoned. Welcome to the world of Borderline Personality Disorder . People with borderline personality disorder can be extremely effective and nurturing parents, but because the symptoms of BPD can be very acute, this takes considerable effort for many people. People with this disorder have a tremendous need to be loved, yet their excessive behaviors keep them constantly on the verge of losing that love.

For some, ending a toxic relationship may be a healthy step and a way to assert boundaries. For others with BPD, ending a relationship may be a response to the inner emotional turmoil that they experience because of their condition. At the same time, you have a right to protect yourself from harm. If you’re in a relationship with someone who shows signs and symptoms of BPD, it may be necessary to end the relationship or seek professional help.

Setting boundaries can help you manage your loved one’s expectations during the idealization and devaluation cycle. “Establish a support team that includes a therapist and a medical professional. If you and your partner put in the effort, you’ll enjoy a better quality of life together,” she says.

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Individual therapy and support groups can also be a great source of support and validation. Your own approval and support is all you need to create the life you want. Holding onto shame prevents you from loving yourself enough to live the life you want and take better care of yourself. There are better ways to solve problems and handle delicate situations with the borderline person. Although you may think you are being helpful and nice, you may find yourself feeling passive and powerless and feeling like a victim. This means you accept yourself and the borderline person and no longer try to rescue or persecute them.

The borderline person can instantaneously flip between idealizing a loved one to seeing the same loved one as a threatening enemy. The borderline person can often feel invisible to others and may also have no sense of who he is, what he wants in life, or what his values, or beliefs are. The borderline person seems highly unpredictable, suddenly changing behaviors, pulling you in, and then pushing you away. It’s easy to consider the adoration and attention a favourite person receives, as signs of a harmless relationship, one that could be easily likened to having a best friend. However, the expectations placed on a favourite person, as well as downsides when these aren’t met can reveal the true nature of a favourite person’s connection. A person with BPD may be so invested in their favourite person that they idealize the stances and opinions they happen to hold.

A 10-year study showed substantial remission after 10 years. Use of medication and DBT, CBT, schema therapy and some other modalities have proven helpful. With the right support and guidance, it is possible to build a strong and healthy relationship with someone who has BPD.

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As previously mentioned, the diagnosis comes from a collection of symptoms, but one symptom is focused on more than another in these discussions. If you find yourself forcing a fit with someone, he recommends really paying attention to the emotions you feel in the moment. “Acknowledging and reflecting on what the emotions are trying to get your mind to focus on and become aware of can give you an opportunity to work things through,” he says.

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Setting realistic and practical goals for improvement is central tomaking your relationship work. You can educate yourself about BPD, seek professional help for yourself and your partner and offer unconditional emotional support, understanding, patience and encouragement. People with borderline personality disorder fear abandonment and suffer from insecurity. As a result, their relationships are often marked by difficulty. Psychotherapy—particularly, dialectical behavior therapy—can help your partner develop coping strategies.

As discussed, being an emotional pillar to a BPD person soon takes its toll. You shouldn’t let your partner overstep and expose you to irreversible emotional trauma. This is why it’s vital to set your limits and not fold under pressure.

If you begin showing signs of self-harm or suicidal ideation, a doctor may hospitalize you for observation and intensive therapy. “Our capacity for love runs just as deeply as our desire to be loved.” Some time off can bring a new perspective and level your head, so be sure to use it. You should avoid bringing up the subject of BPD with your partner. They don’t like to be defined by their illness, and you shouldn’t view them that way either.